Re-Making Space Jam: Day 3

G- Ricky Rubio.

The MonStars are looking for a table setter, and Rubio is the perfect fit. Much like a great soccer player, he sees angles and space that people didn’t know existed. Great passer. Runs the offense and his only goal is to throw as many alley oops as possible. PLUS, he is willing to do anything to get out of Minnesota, even if it means he has to play for Moron Mountain.

G- Kobe Bryant.

The Nerdlucks #1 priority. Already has the killer instinct necessary to banish someone to a life of suffering. Like he did with Kwame Brown.

F- Blake Griffin.

Looks like an alien. Check. Jumps over things like an alien. Check. Incapable of feeling or showing human emotion. Check.

C – Greg Oden.

Keeping with the doofus theme for the Blue Monster, Greg Oden is a natural fit. He’s tall, awkward and looks 25 years older than he is. Perfect for a cartoon. Also the whole fact that cartoons don’t have arthritis could really help keep him on the court for a longer than the opening tip.

F- 2011 Charles Barkley.

Who wouldn’t want to see the Round Mound of Rebound wheezing up and down the court? And everyone knows that Charles’s growing posterior would just make him that much more effective in the post.  I also think we should let him do his own voice over for the character. “That EELLLIEN IS A DOG GONE KNUCKLEHEAD!”


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