Two Signs the Apocalpyse is Coming

Being that December 21st marks the one year countdown to the Mayan’s prediction of the End of the world, it seems necessary to write yet another post documenting why those blood thirsty, soccer inventing Indians just might be right.

With the new year right around the corner, many believers will begin preparing (if not already hiding in their underground-layer full of water bottles and Spaghetti-O’s) for behemoth meteors to start smashing into Fenway Park, dinosaurs to roam around Candle Stick, ghosts walking around Wrigley Field (actually that one might already be happening), goblins running rampant in the Staples Center, and a Lil Wayne presidential campaign (President Carter, Pr-Pr-Pr-President Carter).

But it seems there is proof outside of the political world that the world is ending.  Signs within the sporting world. Signs with disastrous meanings.

Sign #1: The Clippers are…. GOOD?!!?!?!?

No the world may not be running out of resources for energy, but the Lakers seem to have run out of their Hollywood spark that provided them with the overwhelming support in the town.  But when you have the likes of Blake Griffin, CP3, Chauncey Billups, Mo Williams, Caron Butler and DeAndre Jordan as a neucleus, I suppose things like that happen in a town full of fair-weather fans that only follow a team when its COOL to follow a team.  But the Clippers, being talked about as a ‘possible Western Conference contender’?  ERRONEOUS!

Aren’t we talking about a Donald Sterling owned team here?  A man so notorious for awful decisions, even worse draft picks, and unspeakably terrible trade and free agent acquisitions.  He can’t be the brain behind the Clippers recent success.  He can’t be the one behind the full-out ‘Grinch-ing’ of the Hollywood lime-light that the Lakers have basked in for so long that they are permanently orange, forever wrinkly, and in severe contention for having skin cancer? Or can he?

It is really starting to seem that way which makes me believe that this is what the Mayans meant when they predicted that all of the planets would align in a way that impacts the Earth; with the Earth being the NBA, of course.

Side note: If I see Jack Nicholson at one Clippers game, I’m joining ‘Big Jim’ in rural Arkansas and preparing for the worst, because the end of days are nigh.

Sign #2: Tim Tebow.

Let’s just say He shreds the Patriots defense (who have been as bad as Tebow’s first half offensive performances) and pulls out yet another 4th quarter victory drive.  Let’s say He wills his offense of washed up has-beens, and no name receivers to the playoffs.  Right there would be enough to assume the world is over, right?

I mean we are talking about a team going to the playoffs after starting 1-4 with an ABOVE AVERAGE passer in Kyle Orton.

But for the fun of it, and because it will drive my point home, let’s just say Tebow and his band of disciples and non-believers somehow, someway make it to the Super Bowl.  Let’s say the Denver defense can actually provide some pressure on Aaron Rodgers, forcing him to make a few mistakes late.  Let’s say Tebow rushes for over a 100-yards, goes 7-23 passing with one 4th quarter touchdown that gets the Broncos within two points.  Let’s say after a Ryan Grant fumble, Matt Prater boots a 70-yard field goal to win.

Sure that seems unlikely, but so has everything that Tim Tebow has done so far.  The funny thing about that whole paragraph is, myself and many others, wouldn’t be surprised if it happened.  Which, upon Tebow kissing the Vince Lombardi trophy, Jesus shoots down to Earth and the ultimate battle of Good and Evil will take place; Tim Tebow leading the charge, sword raised and aimed right at Ben Roethlisberger… just like the Mayans and FINALLY Harold Camping predicted.

One response to “Two Signs the Apocalpyse is Coming

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