To my son

My Dearest Timmy-

We have done it once again my child.  You and I have fought from the depths of dispair for six straight weeks, continously standing tall, champion of all champions.  Woefully starring into the empty and deceased eyes of our doubters.  No self proclaimed “Monster” of the “Midway”, nor hairy and bile Viking, nor unholy and anti-semitic Indian Chief can muster up enough courage and strength to stand in our way.

Though it was challenging, though it was hard, though we lay beaten and bloody; together we have prospered as one being.  Together we have been held victors with our backs pinned against a hypothetical wall.  A wall that we soon enough broke down, brick by brick, piece by piece.

All the while, we have slowly gained a following.  That in itself has been a test of your faith; but you have yet to question this path, this connection, Timmy.  Your name now, once deemed inadequte and unable, is being uttered among the elite men in your world.  The kings of all kings.  The righteous of right.  They shall be your disciples soon.  They shall soon adhere to you and your genius.  This is our destiny.

Disciple Rodgers, Brees, and Brady have been dutifully waiting for this day since I came to them all in college; I spoke of a day of reckoning, a day where they will BE.  I did not tell them when, and who would be leading them; I simply told them to wait, eyes open, and they will soon see.  They SEE you for what you are now; they are ready to pass along your word.

There will be more to follow, Timmy.  Disciple Luck  and Disciple Barkley have finaly caught glimpse of the light and are ready to step into the next stage of their faith.  Disciple Cutler and Manning, though born skeptics, have adopted you as their savior and have stepped closer to your herald song.

Lead these people, Timmy.  Be their savior.  Be their voice of reason.  With them, the rest of your peers, even those unholy and sinful persons of the ESPN Kingdom will soon see your greatness for what it truly is.

They will all soon stand in your light, (Te)bowing to you.

I am proud of you my son.

-He

P.S.

How fucking dumb is Marion Barber!

Save Community/Bring Back FNL: A Letter

 


Dear any major-television decision maker willing to listen,

Hello.  You might not know who we are, but rest assured, we know you; all of you.  You are the decision makers of the select few television juggernauts that provide entertainment in each and every one of our homes.  Undoubtedly so, you are in your position of extreme decision making based on you previous work experience, work ethic, and knowledge of the industry; so please forgive us if we come off as all knowing and maybe a little excessive.

BUT WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?

Too rash?  Let us explain.

Although we can begin with any list of shows that have been cancelled with a swift stab of a hypothetical heart, it wouldn’t be right unless we started with one particular show that we feel was wrongfully cancelled.  A show that provided the healthiest mixture of family values, drama, and comedy; all the while presenting its viewers, both young and old, with the closest look into the life of a teenage jock, nerd, teacher, coach, mother, father, grandmother, grandfather, and hillbilly.  If you are somewhat clueless (which we would guess, you are) as to what show we speak of, maybe this will provide you with a more definite answer.

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