The Case Against Jerry Angelo

We all have our favorite teams and with that fandom comes the occasional meathead outburst where we make over dramatic statements that we know probably shouldn’t happen.  But we can’t help it, we’re so caught up in the moment that it serves as an outlet to let out some anger and pure disappointment in our teams. I know I am guilty of this at least a dozen times a week; So and so player would look great on one of my teams (Dwight Howard), or so and so needs to go and I’ll gladly drive him to the airport (Alex Rios). With the Bears going from 7-3 to 7-7 in just one month, a lot of Bears fans want to clean house.  In with the new and strong.  Goodbye to the weak.  I wouldn’t even be opposed to ridding ourselves of the concession stand workers.

That is the definition of a meathead statement right there.

The only real person that needs to own up to the mess the Bears are currently in is Jerry Angelo. Now instead of sounding like your typical “long time listener, first time caller” radio-meathead, I have actual support to my claim that will hopefully prove Jerry Angelo’s tenure on the lakefront should come to an end.

Draft Picks: Before Angelo became the Bears’ General Manager he served as Director of Player Personnel for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers; a position he held for 14 years. You would think a previous stop like that would help a person identify talent and become savvy in selecting said talent for his football team. Not Jerry Angelo!

Angelo has made 88 draft picks as the GM of the Bears and currently 22 of those draft picks are still with the team. Let me repeat that, 25% of Jerry Angelo’s draft selections are still on the roster. That means he is failing at a 75% rate.  In what industry or career path can a person keep their job if they fail 75% of the time? For a little reference, our rivals to the north have been under the control of Ted Thompson since 2005, with his 68 draft picks, 32 are still on the roster, just under half. See, I’m not expecting perfection out of draft selections but being right only 25% of the time is inexcusable. And if you want to go draft for draft with the Packers, 20 of 54 Chicago draft picks since 2005 are still on the roster; still 10% worse than the defending Super Bowl Champs and current favorites to win the Super Bowl.

The draft is the place to build depth on your roster and if any season has shown the lack of the depth on the Bears it’s been this one.

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Two Signs the Apocalpyse is Coming

Being that December 21st marks the one year countdown to the Mayan’s prediction of the End of the world, it seems necessary to write yet another post documenting why those blood thirsty, soccer inventing Indians just might be right.

With the new year right around the corner, many believers will begin preparing (if not already hiding in their underground-layer full of water bottles and Spaghetti-O’s) for behemoth meteors to start smashing into Fenway Park, dinosaurs to roam around Candle Stick, ghosts walking around Wrigley Field (actually that one might already be happening), goblins running rampant in the Staples Center, and a Lil Wayne presidential campaign (President Carter, Pr-Pr-Pr-President Carter).

But it seems there is proof outside of the political world that the world is ending.  Signs within the sporting world. Signs with disastrous meanings.

Sign #1: The Clippers are…. GOOD?!!?!?!?

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A Toast to Tim Tebow

Answer: He Would Win.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

It is my honor, as a representative of every flag football bro in campus-land, to give this toast to a saint among men, Tim Tebow.

You see, Tim, you epitomize everything that college-aged Bros love in a flag football God role-model. When you wander on to the intramural fields, you don’t see tall, strapping young men hurling 60 yard bombs like their last name is Manning. You don’t see boys with Brady-like manes taking snaps from under center and calling audibles when the cornerback in his bar crawl t-shirt shows blitz.

No, you see Tim Tebows. You see boys who love the game, but can’t throw the ball for shit. You see guys who stare down their receiver, then take off on a QB-keeper when the pass isn’t there. You see poor mechanics mixing with slow reflexes and resulting in victories. You see your own reflection, Tim.

Let’s be honest, Tim. In eight games played this season, you have a 44.8% completion rate. Aaron Rodgers you are not. You throw the ball like you are trying to shot-put it into Heaven. And yet, you win. Inexplicably, you win. Just this week you beat the Chargers while also having one of the worst games ever, logging a QBR of 29.7. 

You are a gamer, Tim. As a starter, you’ve shown that when it really counts, when your back is to the wall, you can get the Ws. Sure, your average first-three-quarter QBR is 17.1 (good enough for DEAD LAST in the league), but your 4th quarter QBR is 81.4. That’s TOP FIVE! Arguably, if you didn’t shit the bed for three quarters, you might not have to pull 4th quarter miracles out of your angelic asshole. But it doesn’t matter, does it? Because you win.

And that is why flag football bros (of the college-age baller and middle-age nostalgia types alike) love you. They chanted for you to get the playing time, hoping you’d bring the raw emotion of your college game to the pros. You cried when your Gators lost the 2009 SEC championship game to Alabama. On national television! When was the last time you saw a career NFL player balling on the sidelines? (Cutler crying after other players gave him shit for bitching out in the NFC championship game does NOT count).

You are a cult phenomenon. You’ve inspired people to randomly get down on one knee and pray in awkward situations. Rabid detractors (and sarcastic asshats) took to the comments on an ESPN article about you to declare YOU < EVERYTHING.

You ball hard, Tim. You run. You score. You win. And for that, Bros everywhere dub you St. Timothy of Tebow, the Patron Saint of Ballin’ Out On E’ry Level.

Amen.

Devin Hester…You are a Hall of Famer

Devin Hester was a huge a part of the Bears 37 to 13 victory against their division rival, the Detroit Lions Sunday afternoon.  Not only did Hester set up the Bears first touchdown with a long punt return, he then took Detroit’s next punt and returned it 82 yards for a touchdown.  That punt return touchdown was the 12th of his career and 17th kick/punt return touchdown overall.

As if that were not enough, Hester also has a missed field goal return for a touchdown.  He sits only one return touchdown away from Deion Sanders record of 19.  What is even more extravagant is that Hester has almost reached this milestone in only 85 games, while it took “Primetime” 188.

Oh and did I mention he is only 29 years old and having already smashed Kevin Mitchell’s kick/punt return record at that young of an age is miraculous.

What most don’t even realize is that Hester has at least another 3 to 4 years of top-notch returning left in his career and IF Hester continues on the pace he’s currently at of three return touchdowns per season, he’ll finish his career with around 30 return touchdowns.  That would be more than twice the amount of any returner in NFL history.

With those numbers, how can the true “Windy City Flyer” not be a Hall of Famer?!

If you ask his teammate and perennial all-pro linebacker Brian Urlacher, he would tell you that Hester should be a first ballot Hall of Famer.

He said during a recent interview on the Waddle and Silvy show on Chicago’s ESPN 1000, “He’s the greatest of all time at what he does, and in my opinion, when you’re the greatest of all time at your position you should be in the Hall of Fame. He is a first-ballot Hall of Famer in my opinion. He’s going to have 30-something touchdown returns if people keep kicking to him. It’s a no-brainer for me. I just don’t see how people can not agree with that.”

Unfortunately Urlacher will not have a vote on whether Hester becomes enshrined in Canton, but for those that do, there is no way you can justify not voting Hester in when his time comes.  He has an unbelievable impact on every game that he plays in.  Teams have to game plan for Devin Hester.  Let me repeat that… TEAMS HAVE TO GAME PLAN FOR A RETURN MAN (go ahead and let that fester for a while).

He kills teams even when he doesn’t touch the ball.  IF you kick to him, more times than not, he will burn you.  IF you decide to kick away from him, it generally results in great field position for the Bears.  Name another player that has that affect on a team without even touching the ball?  Nobody?  Yeah, we couldn’t come up with anyone either.

If Hester is eventually voted into the Hall of Fame he would be the first return specialist to be enshrined, and it would be well deserved.  If he continues to burn teams that decide to kick to him, Bears radio announcer Jeff Joniak will have to change his memorable call to Devin Hester…you are a Hall of Famer.

MannybeinManny is Doing Lines: The Percolator

NFL lines that is…

Every week I read and hear about the different methods both professionals and idiots alike, use to quantify their choices when betting on NFL games.  Of some of the most ridiculous and unfathomable processes, only one ascends the acclivity of the highest Moron Mountain top.  That process is none other than the accurate and extremely persuasive “one million simulated games of Madden 12” .

Being that this is Jock Toast and we enjoy perusing around the finer concourse of dumb ideas, I thought that I would actually push the envelope on this idea.  Who needs a million simulated games?  Hundreds of MIT nerds create this game year in and year out, it has to be accurate, right?

Probably not.  But if you are boneheaded enough to use the data gathered from a video game made for the average American teenager, and 35-year old virgin’s Friday/Saturday entertainment to actually decide how you bet on a PROFESSIONAL, REAL LIFE football game, why not just put all your faith in one simple simulation?

So, with that said, for the remainder of the NFL regular season and postseason, I will be doing just that.  One simulation.  One poorly formulated consultation on where you should place your hard-earned cheddar.  Let’s see how realistic Madden really is.

Note: All lines used in this post came on Tuesday night (11/8) from Sportsbook.com.  These lines will more than likely fluctuate before the Thursday, Sunday and Monday night games as injury reports and other news circulate closer to game day.  Also, each game is played under “Exhibition Settings” with a 15 minute clock and clear weather.  It is also on a PS3, if that matters…

Lines after the break:

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See what happens when you keep Cutler upright?

The Bears got a big victory on MNF at Philadelphia, 30 to 24. This was largely due to the play of the Bears offensive line and Jay Cutler. His numbers weren’t outstanding but he did an excellent job throughout the game throwing two touchdown passes without  interceptions.  Even with the Bears receivers, manly Roy Williams,  having multiple drops and the sure handed Matt Forte fumbling twice, Chicago looked competent on offense.

If the offensive line continues to protect Cutler and create large holes for Matt Forte, the Bears will definitely be a playoff team. In the last three weeks combined, Cutler has only been sacked three times leading to a 3-0 record for the Monsters of the Midway. That is no coincidence.  When you give Jay time to throw the ball, good things will happen.

What is encouraging for the remainder of the season is the return of Earl Bennett from injury, who proved that he is in fact the best Bears wide receiver with five receptions for 95-yards and a miraculous touchdown. He continues to run great routes, which is something Jay Cutler is not used to.

Many so-called experts have ripped Jay Cutler for not being a “good guy” or a “good teammate”, but who really cares what type of person he is as long as he continues to produce when he has the opportunities? His teammates have his back and if he continues to play like he did on Monday night, hopefully the national media will start to give him the national respect he deserves.

There is no question that Jay Cutler is the best QB the Bears have ever had, and hopefully he’ll continue to grow with a young offense to bring Chicago a Super Bowl in the near future.